I’m coming to the conclusion that these persistent headaches aren’t the result of scarring caused by the radiation I had on my head last summer/fall. Dr. D is of the same opinion. I think its time to start checking out other causes … such as infected sinuses. This has happened before, although not with this persistence.

Believe me … I much prefer the thought that this could be sinus related as opposed to scarring which could mean headaches for the rest of my life. So its time to get on line and start checking out which Ear, Nose and Throat doctors are allowed by my insurance carrier. Oh … joy. My favorite thing to do in the whole world. Dealing with insurance companies is the bane of my existence. Then again, it’s the bane of most people’s existence. However, that will be well worth (1) having it confirmed that my headaches are being caused by a sinus infection; and (2) hopefully getting rid of them.

It’s all these little side aches and pains that tend to be worrisome when you’re a cancer patient. You have a headache, you right away assume the worse. Well — in my case it was the worse when these headaches first happened. But now whenever I get a backache, its there at the back of my mind … cancer return? Enough to make a woman crazy if she didn’t learn to put certain things out of her mind and deal with them when its necessary.

You learn after awhile that there is a time and place for everything. You worry when you have to, you deal it when and then you move on.

And Remember …“YOU ARE A CANCER WARRIOR”

Gonna have to keep this one short. Just returned from Florida and my sorry little tail is dragging. I roomed with one of my crit partners, Karin Tabke, and we spent last night talking into the wee hours of the morn. Then she had to get up at 4:30 to catch an early plane and I decided I may as well drag my sorry butt out of bed since I was wide awake anyway.

Soooo, I’m running on about three hours of sleep, not enough caffeine, a full day of travel (two flights since we had a connection in Detroit) and the aggravation of getting stuck at the back of the plane (both times) and having to wait forever to disembark. I wasn’t a happy camper tonight … at least not until I got two beers into me. My outlook got a little better after that.

I won’t even get into the unpacking and trying to put some semblance of normal back into my life. Tomorrow’s another day.

So, I’m home, satisfied with the RT conference and with the fact that we’d managed to include a family vacation in with this trip. Hubby and daughter both had a good time and now its time to buckle down and move this stagnant career forward.

I live in a smallish town South of Milwaukee. Bedroom community, lots of houses within a twenty minute drive to the city (fifteen if you’re a speeder … like me, and hit the lights right), and generally pretty quiet … if you discount the fact that I’m ten minutes from the airport, but you learn to ignore the sound of planes taking off and landing.

What gets me is the number of dogs allowed to bark their bloody heads off. Doesn’t matter what time of day (or night). Now, I’m totally not a dog person and I really don’t blame the dogs. It’s the owners that I blame. They seem to think that because they love the little darlins’ that everyone finds pleasure it listening to their incessive barking.

Nope … not me. Irritates the sh*t outta me. Particularly the one on the next block. Last summer (when windows are wide open) I swear that mutt barked nonstop from 3:00 a.m. straight through 6:00 a.m. I know my neighbor called the cops the next morning and I think the problem is pretty much taken care of … at least with regard to that dog. There is another dog a little way down the block that barks at pretty much anything that moves. Always a pleasure working outside in the gardens when that beggar is around.

Don’t these people think?

Just a reminder that I’m in Florida this week and I’d time released this post. Chances are pretty good that I won’t get a chance to respond to any comments, but feel free to leave ‘em. I’ll be back on Sunday and will be spending a good portion of Monday playing catch up … both at work and at home.

Anyway … the subject of this particular blog is that people have asked me why, as a writer, I don’t write a book about cancer? Up until now I’ve sorta resisted the idea. When writing romance, I’m guaranteed a happy ending. I can’t say the same for cancer. I don’t know where this disease will eventually take me, but I like to think I’ll have a happy ending. However, when you have it popping up every few years and enduring treatment, its kinda hard to see that happy ending. I think I’d like to have a two or three year break (i.e., remission) before I allow myself to see that light at the end of the tunnel.

Off and on over the years I’ve kept a journal. Not religiously. In fact … pretty dismal when you think about it. I’d get all dung ho for a couple of weeks and then it would sorta peter out. The other day I dug out those journals and found in the first one (2000), I lasted three months and in the second (2006), I lasted another three months. I think I see a pattern here. Three months must be my attention span.

I’m going to try this again and see what happens. It does make sense to keep journals. After years of dealing with this crap, it all sort of melts together. Sure I could ask Dr. D and/or his staff if I could get a copy of my file, but I’m told we’re now on folder number four and each folder is something like six inches thick. Sounds like a daunting task to me … if I can even talk someone to copy it and then have the doctor decipher it. I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff in there that I wouldn’t have a clue as to what it means.

I’ll ask and see what kind of look of horror I get. Either way, its probably a good idea to have a chronology of my history and/or treatment. If you’re just starting on your cancer journey, you might want to give keeping a journal some serious thought. I wish I had.

And Remember …“YOU ARE A CANCER WARRIOR”

Hi Ho. As you read this, I am presently down in Buena Vista, Florida … probably enjoying some much needed frou-frou drink pool side, or trotting after the little darlin’ as the three of us do the Magic Kingdom at DisneyWorld. Either one works for me.

This is just the precursor of when I (alone) travel up to Orlando on Wednesday to enjoy a five day conference put on by Romantic Times Magazine. Always a fun conference. They concentrate on not only networking between writers, readers, book store owners, publishers, editors and agents, but they have fun doing it. Parties are arranged for most nights, usually by groups of writers to spread out the cost. I know there will be a Fairy Ball, the Intergalactic Bar & Grill, various other smaller get togethers hosted by publishers (my own - Samhain being one of them), and then the Vampire Ball. All the social parties are a terrific time. Generally you can dress up in costume, but I think I’ll sorta forego that this year. With the weight I gained through the steroids I’d had to take, some of the clothes I’d normally wear would not be a pretty sight.

Sigh — We’ll see. Should be a good time. I’ll post next week what kind of contacts and/or fun I had.