I do enjoy watching the birds … which is why I still feed them. We get the usual gaggle of sparrows, black birds and gold finches. But this year I’m noticing red-poles, red-wing blackbirds and a downy woodpecker. I hear a blue jay screaming somewhere in the neighborhood, so I’m waiting to get a glimpse of him. Haven’t seen our cardinals in a week or so. I assume they’re busy nesting.

The one good thing was that the big rain we had last night. It pretty much cleaned of my car and the patio. Even that was looking pretty groddy. I think I should have hubby move the bird feeders a little further out into the yard. I’ll still be able to enjoy watching the birds, but at least it will be away from the patio (and its furniture).

Well, I’ve been fortunate so far that no birds have nailed me yet. Thank goodness for small favors.

Well, cancer being the insidious bitch that it is, decided to make a return appearance. Turns out there was a growth in his tonsils of all places. The tumor was the size of a walnut … which when you think about it, is pretty damned big. They removed what they could, but was unable to get it all. As a result, he will be starting radiation treatments and they intend to chemo the hell outta him. This is gonna be rough. They don’t normally do both treatments at once. You either got radiation or you got chemo … not at the same time.

When I mentioned this to Dr. Mac the last time I saw her, she made one of those sympathetic faces and agreed that my brother was in for a rough time. I’ve managed to tolerate the various chemo treatments rather well. I can only hope that his tolerance is as good.

One thing for sure … he’ll have his own personal support team. Besides myself, his wife has also gone through breast cancer. I think between the two of us, we can help him keep a positive attitude. Plus, I offered him the use of some of my scarves. Somehow I don’t think he’s gonna take me up on that offer.

And remember to repeat after me …“YOU ARE A CANCER WARRIOR”

No … look around before coming to an abrupt halt. Particularly in a grocery store. I understand that you’re searching for a certain item and that when you see it, you automatically stop. But please, don’t stop in the middle of the aisle and expect me to perform a number of maneuvers to avoid hitting you. Pull over to the side. You certainly wouldn’t grind your car to a halt in the middle of the street (at least I hope you wouldn’t). No, you pull over. Then there’s the added pain in the ass of trying to get past you because you’re in the middle of the grocery aisle … which isn’t wide to begin with.

I’ve had people stop abruptly right in front of me while at Disney World of all places. What’s with that? Yes, the parks are crowded, but hell … there are plenty of opportunities to take a glance around before stopping.

The worse part is that they’re completely oblivious to this. Think people.

There are always plenty of excuses not to write. Full day at work. Family time. Just plain tired. Whatever. I really have to discipline myself to get myself in front of the laptop and get some work done.

Well, I managed to do that on Saturday. Had the house to myself. Hubby was at a rehearsal with a band he hadn’t played with in awhile and the little darlin’ was off with friends for the weekend. I did a little of this and a little of that at home … then finally stood looking at the laptop. There really wasn’t any excuse not to write. I wasn’t stuck in the story. I knew where the next portion was going. I had the time.

Sooooo … yes, I sat down and managed to get in a good four pages. That’s huge for me. I feel more confident. And I also feel that I don’t have to just rely on those Wednesday power writing sessions.

I just need to get my butt in the chair and write.

Another upside is that I’m handling the Xeloda well this time. Granted this is one week on and one week off and the first round was two weeks on and one week off. It was during the second week that I began having issues. I started this round on Sunday morning and should finish it up Saturday evening. Only one day to go. Yay!

Another upside is that my hair is beginning to grow back. It’s a very light fuzz so far, but its definitely coming in. Another Yay!

The peeling skin on my fingers are nearly healed. Still a little tender since its all new skin, but getting better. Not much effect on my feet. A little dry, but not peeling or anything nasty. Triple Yay!

Had a day or two of not feeling the greatest, but that tends to pass fairly quickly, so I can’t complain. So, all in all … not a bad week.

And remember to repeat after me …“YOU ARE A CANCER WARRIOR”

My leg hurts … but that’s nothing new, so how can I be pissed off at that.

Drivers — naturally. Particularly those who pull out right in front of you.

Bikers. Yes, bikers who seem to think they own the road. I try to be careful around bikers but then I see them go blazing through a red light. Not a good idea if there’s a two ton truck bearing down on you. Obey the same traffic laws you expect drivers to.

Commercials. When you’re watching a movie and it goes to commercial, ain’t it funny how they are suddenly half again as loud as the movie you’re watching? Irritating as hell.

Birds. They managed to crap all over my car the other day while I was parked at work. Yuk.

Using the restroom and then realizing no one changed the toilet paper roll and you’re sitting there with nothing to wipe yourself with.

Republics and Democrats. They piss me off equally. Particularly their campaign commercials. Spend your money on something more useful, will ya?

I think that pretty much covers it. I’m sure there was more that pissed me off during this past week, but those are the highlights. What has managed to piss you off this week?

Apparently that wasn’t quite enough to it to warrant taking it to the next step.

Another editor was impressed with my world-building (which I think I do pretty good, if I do say so myself), but it wasn’t dark enough. Well, the book I’m currently working on is plenty dark … but I would agree that “A Touch of Magic” is a lighter story.

Ah well. This round of rejections are a bit disheartening, but I’m not discouraged. I have faith in “A Touch of Magic” and know that we’ll find a home for it.

So, I’m game to give this a try. Like her, I’m not entirely willing to give up the treatment without knowing whether it was effective or not. However, I told her that the clinic will be the first to hear my bitchin’ if I began to get adverse effects again. Dr. Mac also put me on another hormone blocker … but naturally I cannot remember the name. I’ll be picking that up later today.

Now, I know there is a certain member of my family that doesn’t want me to discuss one of the unfortunately side effects of the Xeloda, but tough. It’s gotta be done since it was a very distressing and future patients taking this drug should be warned. (Sorry Mom ).

After I began the second week of the drug, I began have a humongous problem with diarrhea. In the past I’d have it off and on during treatment and then the situation seemed to resolve itself. This time it was constant and persistent. I literally could not be far from a bathroom within a half hour of eating anything. This resulted in two things. I pretty much stopped eating. Ate just enough to keep myself going, and had a somewhat miserable time during the conference I attended two weeks ago. Up side is that I lost 7 pounds.

Even when I went off the Xeloda, for the two weeks following, I continued to have diarrhea. This was literally a pain in the ass. This also forced me to go on an anti-diarrhea med … which I really didn’t want to do, but it was effective. It was a powdery stuff that you mixed with water called Cholestyramine. Not the most pleasant tasting, but it worked. Yesterday and today were the first time I didn’t have the diarrhea problem. Oh, and the other weirdness was that the color was consistently mustard yellow. (Yes, mom, disgusting … but deal with it).

The other issue was gas. Hell, I could have powered a small town if it was run on methane. Rather embarrassing when you’re in a public bathroom, but whatcha gonna do? Not exactly something you can control.

Final problem (and this isn’t disgusting, Mom) is that the skin on my fingertips began to peel. My hands had begun to dry out even though I was slathering lotion on them five/six times a day. Didn’t stop the peeling, though. Not particularly painful but my hands look like I’m turning into a Zombie. No issues with my feet — which I thought was a bit surprising.

So — them’s the side effects that I experienced by being on 4,500/ml of Xeloda a day for two weeks. I’m hoping that by being on the new schedule of every other week, the problems associated with it won’t manifest.

And remember to repeat after me …“YOU ARE A CANCER WARRIOR”

This past Monday was no exception. I knew when I saw that blinking light indicating I had a voicemail that she’d had called in sick. To top it off, she goes into great detail in an “I’m on death’s door” voice. This time is was stomach flu, vomiting all weekend … yadda, yadda, yadda. I’ve heard it all before. Monday night she left me a text message (which I didn’t see until Tuesday morning) saying that she’d ended up at the ER because all the vomiting had left her dehydrated and they had to pump her full of fluids.

Now, I have sympathy for anyone who gets sick, but not when its on a regular basis. I can’t decide if she’s actually a closet drinker. I never smell anything on her and I have a pretty good nose for detecting booze since I have a couple of alchy siblings.

I’m mostly peeved because it turned out that Monday and Tuesday were incredibly busy days. Not only did I have the work of my two attorneys, but I was in the middle of preparing the monthly billing and then I had to try to handle whatever the other two attorneys had. I was not a pleasant person when I got home. If I could drink I would have demanded copious amounts of wine … stat.

Well, this time the two attorneys she works for want to see the ER records. I sent her a text to that affect. Apparently they’ve pretty much had it with her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got the axe this time. Again, I can sympathize, but my sympathy only runs so far. Hell, I’ve got cancer and I don’t take off nearly as much time as she does.

Now, I’ve been on a lot of different chemos over the years and not one has ever had me in tears. Well, Xeloda managed to do that. I cannot recall being so physically miserable in my life. My feet felt like I was walking over hot coals, and my hands were pretty much useless. They hurt so bad that I couldn’t do anything with them. The fatigue was incredible and I think I spent more time in my hotel room trying to rest than I did attending conference events.

Amazingly, within days of completing the two week cycle, both my hands and my feet were nearly back to normal. Needless to say, I immediately called the doctor’s office and did a LOT of bitchin’. Hopefully this will result in a reduction of the dosage, because quite frankly, I’m already dreading the next round. I’m supposed to have seven days off and then another fourteen days of Xeloda.

So not looking forward to that.

And remember to repeat after me …“YOU ARE A CANCER WARRIOR”